Eureka!

Well, I’ve been having a real nice time on my first month off.

Although it took a few weeks to find my wheels, I’m now fully invested in my days. Unencumbered by the clock or the will of other men, I form my days around those things I find important to me at the time.

There is something immensely satisfying about deciding what you want to do, at that moment. 

Without the guiding hand of a master, the things that are of real value are enjoyed without concerns of time or place.

I wake when I’m rested.

I take Jemima to school and horseback riding.

I can let Ollo take the car to go where he needs to go, when he needs to be there. I don’t need it.

I can set aside time to gather, compose and communicate my thoughts.

I see that a room needs sweeping, or some laundry needs washing, I do it.

I golf when I fee like it, and surprisingly, that’s less than I used to.

I have slept in my own bed for almost four weeks in a row.

And though I can do, and have done, all of these things while not on long leave, the one thing that is missing from the equation now is the constant and pervasive feeling that I should be doing something else.

That I have missed something vital.

That I must fix someones problem.

That I must be somewhere else mentally, regardless of my physical address.

The greatest thing I have discovered in the last 4 weeks is that I have the capacity and ability to live in and enjoy the moment for what it brings me.

And this realisation, though seemingly simple to many people, has taken me 36 years of work to figure out.

36 years, and 4 weeks.